Michelle Obama Needs First Lady Lessons

What do you call a unelected women who is elevated to the highest protocol position in the land, given a free castle and a country estate to live in, a large staff to attend to her needs and a motor pool to shuffle her around the country and the world, while she fulfills her role as the ultimate official, non-partisan representative of the state?

In Canada and Britain we call her the 'Queen'.
In the United States, they call her the 'First Lady'.

The only difference between the two, is that the First Lady reigns for up to eight years, while the Queen has the job for life and that puts the First Lady at a distinct disadvantage.

The Queen has an upbringing of privilege and position, one that prepares her for the onerous task of being the monarch. Unfortunately, this is not the case with most First Ladies (particularly Michelle Obama) who must get up to speed on the job rather quickly. It's not surprising that they make a few gaffes at the beginning.

Most Americans blanch at the idea of having a hereditary monarch as head of state and are quick to remind we colonials that the archaic practice of venerating and honouring a person of no particular achievement, someone who accedes to the position because of circumstance, not accomplishment, is against everything they stand for.

That being said, ever since Jackie Kennedy captured the hearts of the American public (whether they voted for her husband or not) and elevated the position of the First Lady to an exalted status, America has been smitten with the Queen bug, in practice, if not in name.

The First Lady has assumed the very same role as the Queen of England and both assume similar duties. Among other things, they....

• Represent the country internationally by hosting or attending official state functions including conferences, balls and state visits.
  
• Award various civilian medals and honours.
• Act as the guest of honor at various entertainment events and national celebrations.
  
• Serve as a morale booster by visiting areas of the country struck by natural disaster and visit and encourage non-profit organizations and their volunteers.
  
• Host receptions to honour various charities or public service organizations.
• Visit military installations, christen navy ships, award medals and service ribbons, attend military commencement ceremonies and visit with injured military personnel.
• Give speeches and interviews discussing and supporting family, charity and other non-controversial subjects.
• Uphold Christian family tradition by example, (attending church, hosting an Easter Egg roll or lighting a Christmas tree) while paying lip service to other religions by attending mosques, synagogues and assorted temples on occasion.
  

There's little doubt that Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain and the Commonwealth represents the gold standard in Queenly behavior. She has fulfilled her role gracefully and tirelessly for over half a century and Michelle Obama would do well to emulate her.

Here's some Queenly advice ;

1. Check your brain at the door. Nobody wants a controversial First Lady. Hillary proved the point with her failed health care reform initiative that alienated herself from half of the American public. Remember nobody voted for you, so keep your opinions to yourself.
2. Stop being so familiar in public. Kissing is generally as no-no, it should be reserved for heads of state. Learn to extend a gloved hand in that particular style on monarchs.
   
3. Address people by their full title. Forget first names even in private unless you are very familiar.
   
4. Don't buy clothing off the rack. Whether it's a $6,000 dollar purse, a pair of $500 running shoes or a $10 T-shirt, have your clothes made. Even if it's a $10,000 Hermes bag, it's beneath your station if someone else can buy the very same thing. By making up you own wardrobe you can avoid all controversy, as the press and the public can't comment positively or negatively on the price you paid.
5. Get real fashion advice. The person who suggested that awful inauguration day dress should be fired. Such a disaster should not be repeated. While the mainstream press fawns about your fashion sense, America's fashion experts are grimacing in private, while publicly keeping their mouths shut. By all means use America's best fashion designers, but if you use an up and coming designer, understand that they'll blab about the experience to the press. Develop a style and if it works, stick to it. Experimenting is fun but not always successful. A First lady needs to look perfect all of the time. Try a hat. Nothing says Queen like a snazzy topper.
   
6. Don't try to look or act 'normal', people want their first Lady to lead the lives that the average Joelle only dreams of. No fast food a la Bill Clinton. Don't pose for fashion mags any more, it isn't becoming. If you do, you'll be judged on your looks, not your position and that's something you don't want to do (you're no Halle Berry). By the way, tell your husband that appearing on Jay Leno isn't conducive to the image of the presidency.
7. Treat your daughters as the princess' that they are. Dress them with the same care as you do yourself. Show them off at official functions only. Never let them be filmed doing the things ordinary kids do.
8. Treat the press distantly, it adds to the mystique. Never hold press conferences. Accord interviews rarely and make them formal. On an occasional basis host a televised tour of the White House or Camp David. Who can forget Jackie Kennedy's famous White House tour in 1962, where 3 out 4 Americans watched? Have yourself filmed at least once depicting a typical day. (Stage the whole thing).
   
9. Keep up a hectic schedule of public appearances and travel extensively around the country. It costs a lot to keep up your lifestyle and Americans have a right to expect a quid pro quo.
   
10. Uphold the image of a calm, elegant and in control person, regardless of the circumstances.
    

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Quebec's Investor Nightmare

Quebec must be the most over-regulated jurisdiction in North America. There are inspectors and watchdog agencies for just about any activity you can imagine.
I once witnessed an inspector from the government of Quebec, come into the clothing store where I was working and demand to verify those little white labels which describe the materials used in the lining (Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law!) that were attached to some ski jackets we were selling.
Should the corner bicycle shop decide to raffle off a $1000 mountain bike, it has to get a permit from the government to insure that contest entrants don't get stiffed.

That being said, when it comes to protecting the nest egg of ordinary investors, it's seems that it's every man and women for themself, as any scam artist and fraudster can open up shop and take in investment money from the public, with virtually no regulation.
The fact that there aren't more frauds is remarkable considering the lack of oversight.

How easy is it to do?
Very.

Just open up a company and rent offices in a swanky and prestigious building, furnish the office attractively and make it look professional.
Hire a couple of employees who don't even have to know that you're a crook.
Advertise in local papers and hire salesmen to push investment products that pay a much higher interest rate than is currently available in legitimate institutions.
Pay the first investors off handsomely by giving them back some of the very same money that they gave you to invest.
The wonderful return serves as bait and as their trust in you grows, so too do their investments. Before long they are boasting to their friends and relatives about the great money manager they employ and the incredible returns they are making. These first investors are you best sales people.
New investors come in based on the recommendation of these trusted friends or family members and the con expands exponentially. Eventually the investor pool dries up or the government comes snooping. It's then time to fly the coop and abscond with all the money that's left, leaving behind a group of financially ruined and humiliated suckers.

Sound too moronic to work? This scam has been successful for as long as there have been investment advisers.
Imagine what a fraudster can do if he's even more sophisticated.

From big frauds to small frauds, Quebec is fertile grounds for scammers.

With the disappearance of Earl Jones last week with anywhere from $30 million to $50 million of the money entrusted to him, Quebec is once again rocked by a big investor fraud.

In 2005 Vincent Lacroix's Norbourg company disappeared $115 million from mostly elderly francophone investors. Lacroix was convicted of security fraud but served only 550 days before being released into a halfway house. By the way, the money has never been located.

In 2007 Triglobal's president Themis Papadopoulos, invested over $86 million of his client's money in an offshore company in the Cayman Island that he had an interest in. The money disappeared and so did Themis.

If you think that the investors who lose money in these scams are all naive rubes, you'd be mistaken. The Zunenshine family of Belcourt real estate fame lost a total of $14 million dollars in the Triglobal scam.

Not all scams are so impressive, but they hurt those who are bilked of their savings just the same.
In 2006 Kevin McKenzie and Brian Thicke of Lachine bilked about twenty neighbours of close to $600,000 in a fraudulent real estate scheme. They were both convicted and Thicke, the mastermind, received two years in jail.
Another recent fraud of note is the one perpetrated by André Charbonneau, who ran a scam that between January 1995 and September 1999, defrauded 440 people of a total of $14 million by convincing them to invest in a phony insurance firm called l'Alternative Compagnie, which Charbonneau, as a broker, set up. He got seven years in prison.

The other important type of investment fraud is the one where worthless stocks are touted and pumped up in value, only to collapse after insiders sell off at a huge profit. Bre-X and Livent are two examples of Canadian companies that perpetrated this scam.

Investors should understand the Quebec and Canada have the most poorly regulated financial markets of any of the important western economies. It's so bad that some international investment firms will not buy a Canadian publicly traded stock unless it is traded in the United States, where stringent rules apply and enforcement is real.

The fact that Ottawa is trying to counter the problem by creating a national regulatory agency is proof of the magnitude of the problem. Unfortunately, it's implementation is being hampered by Quebec's steadfast refusal to give up regulatory power, even in the face of the recent humiliating frauds and the failure of it own regulatory agency, the AMF, who's motto "Information, Regulation, Protection" seems sadly inappropriate.

Will change come? Don't count on it.

What can you do?
It reminds me of the time when I went to Florida to visit my parents. I accompanied my dad on a number of errands, one of which one was a trip to SEAR'S to buy insurance.

"Dad" I asked. "Why are you buying insurance at SEARS, I'm sure you can get a better deal at an independent broker?"
"Son, you may not get the very best price at Sear's, but you sure as hell don't get cheated!"

If you're with a small independent brokerage house, think about changing your account to one of the big banks or large national brokerage firms. Brokers who work for them never get to handle your money or issue statements. You'll never be cheated and you'll sleep better at night.

Remember one other thing above all else;
If someone offers you a significantly higher interest rate then that which is commercially available, it's because it's a risky investment or a fraud.

Although it sounds simple enough, I've seen countless friends and neighbors, both rich and sophisticated get caught by ignoring that old tenet and remember, just because someone is recommended by a friend or member of your family, they too may be in the process of being scammed.

Weekly Anglo Quebec News July 04-10

Want to Keep up with Quebec News in just 5 minutes?
Perfect for Ex-pats or those in a rush!
Every Saturday read a short, subjective weekly review of Quebec news with a Anglophone POV.

Carifesta, the Black Carrebean community's annual parade took place last Saturday. Unfortunately the weather didn't cooperate. Here's a great video that showcases the energy as well as the great dancing and costumes.

MORE VIDEO HERE

Hospitals across Quebec have shut close to 700 beds because of a lack of staffing. It seems summer holidays are more important than maintaining the integrity of the health system. Don't blame the unions, this one is squarely on the weak-kneed management who are unable to implement appropriate systems.
It's no better over at Urgences Santé, the government's ambulance service. A man with appendicitis waited six hours for ambulance because there were not enough drivers available, again due to staff shortages caused by vacations.

Perhaps the health system can avoid these problems by following the example of the construction industry which just shuts down completely for two weeks at the end of July.

Due to the closure of the nuclear facility at Chalk River that produces medical isotopes, Quebec hospitals have delayed at least 12,000 diagnostic tests and have put on hold the treatment of some patients with thyroid cancers. argh!......

Almost 3,000 women will be re-tested in relation to botched breast cancer screening tests. Last May, Quebec’s pathology association took some 15 breast cancer tissue samples (which had been reliably tested lab) and sent them to assorted labs across the province asking them to retest for hormone receptors. The results were abysmal, with 15-20% of the hormone receptor tests wrong and 30% of the tests looking for HER2 protein also wrong. (a test used to determine if chemotherapy is appropriate).
A Montreal woman has asked the Quebec Superior Court for permission to launch a class action lawsuit against the provincial government for these alleged errors in breast cancer testing.

Montreal Canadiens, dumped two long time fan favorites when they failed to re-sign Saku Koivu and Alex Kovalov. What is interesting is that both players wanted desperately to stay in Montreal with Koivu even offering to take a discount on his salary.

Unemployment rates, hold steady in June but there's a startling difference between Montreal's 9.5% rate and Quebec City's 4.6%, which is less than half. For the first time in memory Ontario's unemployment rate of 9.6% is higher than the province of Quebec's 8.8%.
The city with the lowest in Canada- Regina-3.8%, while the city with the highest rate =Windsor-14.4%.
Canada's overall rate is 8.6% while in the USA the rate is 9.5%.

CRIME & PUNISHEMENT

(Weekly review of interesting crime stories and court room antics)

Killer will not Face trial. Last summer Mélissa Beaudoin, aged 17, of Pointe-aux-Trembles (at the eastern tip of the island on Montreal) went to spend the summer in the country, doing some babysitting for her boyfriend's father, Richard Bérand. Two days after she arrived the father, drunk and high on cocaine demanded that Mélissa and her boyfriend (his son) have sex in front of him, which they refused to do.
That night the father crept into her room and told her that her mother was gravely injured in an accident and that he'd take her to see her. Of course, it was a ruse and she never made it anywhere. The father raped and killed her by bludgeoning her with a stone.
It's a sad story, but not one that's extraordinary in the annuls of violent crime. What is different however, is that Mr. Bérand will probably never be tried for his crime!
His doctor submitted a document to court detailing the fact that Mr. Bérand is in the final stage of a generalized cancer.
As you can imagine the parents of the victim are furious, wishing that the killer would at least spend some time in prison before dying. LINK(Fr) LINK(fr)

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Josh Freed versus Gilles Rhéame

For those of you who don't know, Josh Freed, the Montreal Gazette columnist, took a lot of heat from the French press for a humorous reference he made in a column entitled Politics Ruin the Party.

In the column he writes.

"In recent years, June 24 has officially become a big party for all Quebecers, no matter what your roots. Yet most of the festivities still take place east of Park Ave. - so what stands in the way of making this a day for everyone? Just the same small things that keep all of us ethnically polyester Quebecers from feeling 100-per-cent pur laine Québécois.

They include: The dinosaurs of nationalism like the St. Jean organizers who tried to stop two local bands from singing in a foreign dialect called English - a move reminiscent of the old days of the Apostrophe SS."

He was referring to that time in recent Quebec history when almost all stores and business' who had an English appelation changed their name in an effort to be more acceptable to the French majority. Names that included an '' 's ", dropped the contraction entirely, à la Eaton's which morphed into 'Eaton' and Joe's which became 'Joe', thus appeasing the nationalist element that demanded that any vestige of English disappear from the public face of Quebec.

The 'Apostrophe SS' reference was one of the funniest things Freed has ever penned, as it perfectly describes the mean-spiritness of the Frenchification campaign that swept through the island of Montreal like an icy ill wind.

Freed's "Apostrophe SS" reference annoyed many nationalists, who are sensitive to being labeled racist or ethnocentric and a big brouhaha was set off in the press, culminating with Gilles Rhéaume , a radical and somewhat kooky sovereignist, making a complaint to the Quebec Press Council, alleging that Freed had compared Quebeckers to the Nazi SS.

Now before things got out of hand, Freed backpedalled and offered up a somewhat lame explanation and apologized for any offense that he may have caused. By week's end the story had run it's course.

His actions are understandable on a professional level, but it's sad that he caved, the joke was genuinely funny, one of the best he's ever cracked.

English humor is not francophone humor.
Try explaining John Cleese's Basil Fawlty character or Chris Rock's 'nigger' jokes to someone that doesn't have perfect English and a anglo background and you'll find that the humour is lost in the translation. It just doesn't cross language barriers.

It was the 1965 TV series, Hogan's Heroes that transformed the very frightening and serious Nazis into a group of burlesque incompetents who ultimately became the butt of every joke.
Aside from Sergeant Shultz, the lovable boob and the ass-kissing Colonel Kink, who can forget our favorite SS officer, Major Wolfgang Hochstetter: who's unforgettable catchphrase was "Everybody is UNDER ARREST!!!"

The nasty SS character had a recurring role as an antagonist who made everybody's life miserable, a dogmatic, humourless hard-liner who was amusing for his ultimate ineffectiveness. (OQLF language inspector, anyone?)


Who of us hasn't referred to difficult teacher or a nasty boss, as a 'Nazi' at one time or another.
It's no big deal.

Are we offended by the wonderful "Soup Nazi" character of Seinfeld fame, who's evil spirit and petty exercise of power is the personification of what we mean when we humorously call someone a 'NAZI'?

Even the Jews, a people who can rightfully be offended by trivialization of Nazism, seem to have accepted Nazi humour. Does anyone take offense when comedian Jackie Mason screams "Mister, I'm talking to you,... NAZI BASTARD!" at some unsuspecting shnook in the audience? It just part of his shtick which offends nobody.

In the anglophone world 'Nazi' or 'SS' are perfectly fine put downs of authoritarian hardliners, people whom are dogmatic, petty and mean, people who we don't like. To us, it's funny, even if it shouldn't be and if French speakers don't understand the nuance, it's on them.

That Gilles Rhéaume took serious offense is particularly galling. He's been spewing venom towards the English his whole career, from his job as president of the Saint Jean Baptiste Society to the dopey radical organizations that he's been involved with ever since his unceremonious departure.

In a biography by Jean Côté entitled 'Gilles Rhéaume baroudeur de l’indépendance", Rhéaume himself is described as an ardent fascist admirer (read-Nazi?). Read an account of the book in an article written by le Devoir's Jean-François Nadeau.

But the 'piece de la resistance' is contained in an interview with Benoît Dutrizac a couple of years ago when ironically, Rhéaume himself is accused of comparing English Canadians to Nazis.

Here's a rough translation of the juicy part.

Rheame:
Stop talking like that ! When France.....

Dutrizac:
Don't tell me what to say or think!

Rheame:
When France was occupied by Hitler and the Germans, there were women hemorrhaging and there were hungry people and people living through injustice, but it didn't stop all of France from getting up and saying 'We'll kick the Germans out". It's true that there's people in our emergency rooms. It's true that there are poor people and it's true that there's all sorts of things, but give us a country! It's an emergency, we're disappearing. In 15 or twenty years, we won't be here anymore, we'll speak English. It's starting...

Dutrizac:
You're not telling me....er.... your not comparing English Canadians to the Germans of World War Two.

Rheame:
No I'm not comparing.

Dutrizac:
But you said it.

Rheame:

NO...NO...NO

Delicious!
You can view the entire interview HERE

Vincent Lecroix is Laughing

Vincent Lacroix, Quebec's very own version of Bernie Madoff received parole after spending just 550 days of his eight and a half year sentence behind bars.

Lacroix defrauded mostly elderly francophone Quebeckers of over $115 million dollars and while it pales when compared with the latest estimate of the $13 billion fraud perpetrated by Mr. Madoff, considering Quebec's size, our Vinnie is right up there in the big leagues of fraud artists.

Lets consider the statistics.

Vincent served 1 day in jail for every $200,000 that he defrauded his clients out of.
Yup - 200K!

Let me ask you this, would you go to jail for a day if they gave you $200,000?
If you said no, you're a liar.

How's about a week in the poky for $1.4 million?.....and how's about a month for $6 million?

Me, I think I'd go for six months ($36 million), it'd be tough, but the idea of all that moola would be worth it.

Now let's consider another Quebec thief and how the justice system treated him.

A Thetford Mines shoplifter was caught after stealing a $3 DVD. He was arrested and spent 3 days and night in jail before seeing a judge.

$1 theft =1 day in jail and that's without even being convicted!