How to Make the Monteal Canadiens More French (Humor)

Having written about George Le Gal's plan to make the Montreal Canadiens organization more French and having read some of the comments under my post- "Heaven help the Montreal Canadiens," I'm inspired to contribute these ideas to help the team become more like their fan base.

Thanks to commenter 'Doctor Dave' for offering a new name for the arena. No need for a public contest, his suggestion is perfect!
The 'Bell Centre' can be changed with little effort to "Centre Belle Province"

It would be a perfect fit. The Quebecois restaurant chain could pay for exclusive food rights and traditional "Quebecois' food items can help maintain Quebec culture. No more 'foreign' foods like 'pizza' or 'smoked meat.'

The five essential Quebec food groups would be maintained, including Hot Dogs, Fries, Poutine Sauce and Curd Cheese in addition to Pepsi, to wash it all down!

In addition;

• All referees, as well as minor officials will have to be Quebecois. Penalties assessed to francophone players to be 20% shorter to correct historical discrimination.

• All retired sweaters representing Anglophone players are to be un-retired and their pennants removed from the rafters. Rookies shall be assigned these freed up numbers on a first come first served basis. 

• English nicknames for Francophone players will no longer be tolerated, so no more "Rocket Richard," "Pocket Rocket Richard" "Newsy Lalonde" or "The Roadrunner" Some will be very easy to convert like "Boom Boom Geoffrion "which easily translates to "Boum Boum"

• Players who come from Europe will be required to francisize their name following the example of Alexi Kovalov who became 'Alex.' Markov could easily change his name to André (à la 'Dawson')

• Spanish Ole!-Ole!-Ole!-Ole! chant to be replaced by Pou-Tine! Pou-Tine! Pou-Tine! Pou-Tine! 

• Same for end of game singing of  "Sha Na Na, Sha Na Na, HEY! HEY! Good Night!" to be changed to "Bon Nuit!"

• Within two years all Puck Bunnies are to be 50% +1 Francophone.

• Same for TimBits players.

• In order to familiarize hockey wives to their role in Quebec society, Stripper Poles are to be installed at no charge in the basements of their homes. Wives can view special videos that can teach them how to talk like a Quebecoise. Like this.  The team could also prepare a neat little phrasebook for wives having to deal with those pesky Puck Bunnies. Entitled "Tabarnak duh plot Sal" it can prove invaluable when words don't come easily.

•  Fans would be encouraged to purchase the new 'official' snack of the Belle Province Centre, a Pepsi and a Mae West Ouest. An introductory low price of $14.95 14,95$ to be offered for a limited time only.

• The Quebec government would create its own video replay centre in Montreal, so as not to be dependent on those biased Toronto replay decisions. 

• Key on-ice positions, like goalie, to be reserved for francophones and player ice time to be strictly regulated by language

• No way around it, the familiar red uniforms will have to be changed to blue. Perhaps a trade can be engineered with the Toronto Maple Leafs to switch colours.

• Two of the three 'STARS" of the game to be reserved for francophones.

 and if all else fails.............

Any suggestions?

BTW- Check out How the Habs can improve their on-ice product!