Here is a translation of an absolutely fantastic parody that was published on a blog called TRUISM.
If you read French, please read the original.
August 5, 2010
Collapse of a mine shaft in the Amos Mine in Abitibi. 33 miners are missing.
August 22, 2010
A probe reaches a safe room and returns to the surface the following message: "We are all alive." So far, so good.
August 27, 2010 -
A working committee is created comprising of the heads of the mine, the Department of Natural Resources, Public Safety, trade unions and a federal representative to discuss the best rescue techniques. Talks bog down over costs. The unions accuse the mine of negligence, the company threatens to move to Latin America.
September 5, 2010 -
The parties reach an agreement on cost sharing. All that remains is to find a technical solution.
September 14, 2010 -
Three rescue plans are developed that are designed to drill a 60 cm hole in order to reach the miners, 700 meters underground, and return them to the surface using a basket. The government announces that the miners may have to wait until Christmas to see their families.
September 19, 2010 - The Algonquin tribe of Lake Brunante go to the Provincial Court to obtain an injunction to stop the drilling.
The trucks have to cross traditional lands devoted to hunting, fishing and trapping to survive.
October 4, 2010 -
The government and the Algonquins of Lake Brunante negotiate an agreement under which the right of way is permitted in return for a compensation of $ 7 million.
October 6, 2010 -
Work begins drilling the relief well.
October 9, 2010 -
Friends of the Black Spruce tree and Greentree International obtain an injunction from the Provincial Court to stop the drilling. This activity could pose a risk to groundwater and cause inconvenience to the migration of geese.
October 19, 2010 -
The government and environmental groups agree to entrust the study of the case to the Office of Public Hearings on the Environment (BAPE).
November 7, 2010 -
BAPE commences its work
November 18, 2010 -
The Citizens Committee for Val-des-Mines is concerned about the impact of drilling on the health of citizens, including children. They get support from their MP and the National Institute of Public Health.
December 13, 2010 -
The BAPE deposits its report. Given the urgency of the situation, and considering that the of migration period of geese has already passed, it authorizes the continuation of drilling. But to minimize the impact on the population, drilling can only take place between 8 am and 5 pm, Monday through Friday.
December 23, 2010 -
Drilling stops for the holidays.
January 7, 2011 -
Resumption of drilling. The government says it has awarded the company, Mécanex, the task of building the car that will bring up the miners.
January 13, 2011 -
A Chinese consortium, a European company and a Quebec competitor go to Provincial Court to obtain an injunction to stop the drilling. The construction of the car was entrusted to a company without competitive bidding, which is contrary to the provisions of the agreements of the World of Commerce.
March 25, 2011 -
The Court rules, that given the urgency of the situation, the government is relieved of the obligation to submit the construction of the car to a bidding process. The proceedings are resumed.
April 5, 2011 -
An investigative reporter discovers that the CEO of Mécanex is a generous donor to the campaign coffers of the government. Heated debate in the National Assembly, the opposition is calling for a commission of inquiry into corruption and removing the Mécanex contract.
May 12, 2011 -
Work begins on the Commission to investigate allegations of corruption.
July 13, 2011 -
The Commission reports and acknowledges that the government had the right to entrust the construction of the car to a contractor of its choice, given the urgency.
July 15, 2011 -
Resumption of Drilling
July 17, 2011 -
Start of construction holiday
August 1, 2011 -
Resumption of Drilling
August 5, 2011 -
First anniversary of the collapse of the mine. The miners consider themselves lucky to be alive and not working in an underdeveloped country like Chile.
August 16, 2011 -
The tunnel finally reaches the miners, but the manufacture of the car is late. Mécanex is awaiting the important parts which are manufactured by its subcontractor in Indonesia.
September 10, 2011 -
The car arrived on the scene. Horrors! Subcontractors have a painted a huge Canadian flag on the outer envelope. The separatists are outraged and complain that it is a federalist plot.
September 14, 2011 -
A working committee is created, comprising the heads of the mine, the Department of Natural Resources, Public Safety, trade unions and a federal representative to discuss the thorny issue of the flag.
September 22, 2011 -
A compromise is negotiated between the parties. The gondola will carry the flag of Canada, Quebec, Val-des-Mines, as well as logos Mécanex, the Central Juvenile Québec (CMQ) and the federation of workers and workers underground Quebec (FTSQ).
September 29, 2011 -
Shoving, physical abuse and looting at the site: the QMC and FTSQ disagree on the order of the recovery of minors to the surface.
October 1 2011 -
The Minister of Labour appoints an arbitrator to resolve the conflict between the unions.
October 27, 2011 -
The CMQ and the FTSQ agree on a common list of priority that takes into account seniority.
November 6, 2011 -
A secret government document is leaked to the press. The costs of the rescue operation is seven times higher than the initial estimate. Groups of angry citizens and the opposition demonstrate outside the site.
November 13, 2011 -
The government announces that it will release special assistance to defray the costs of the rescue operation and which it claims will not result in tax increase. The Premier asked his Canadian counterpart that the money be drawn from the surplus fund of EI.
December 4, 2011 -
The basket is repainted, rescue operations begin.
December 12, 2011 -
Miners are back to the surface.
December 21, 2011 - The Premier hails the success of the operation and the fact that the minors will celebrate Christmas with their families, just as he had predicted. However, he blames the federal government's inaction, for causing any delay.Hmmm........